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Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law.
The mother-in-law stopped unexpectedly by the recently married couple's house. She rang the doorbell and stepped into the house to see her daughter-in-law standing naked by the door.
"What are you doing?" the mother-in-law asked.
"I am waiting for my husband to come home from work." the daughter-in-law replied.
"Why are you naked?" asked the mother-in-law. "This is my love dress." the daughter-in-law replied.
"LOVE DRESS! You are naked." said the mother-in-law
"But my husband loves it when I wear this dress. It makes him happy and he makes me happy." said the daughter-in-law.
"I would appreciate it if you left now because my husband will be home any minute." The daughter-in-law continued.
Soured by all of this romantic stuff, the mother-in-law left. On the way home she thought about the "LOVE DRESS" and got an idea.
She undressed, showered, applied her best perfume and waited by the door for her husband to come home.
Finally the pickup truck drove up the drive way and she took her place by the door. The father-in-law opened the door and immediately saw his wife naked by the door.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"This is my love dress" the mother-in-law replied.
"Maybe you should iron it." he replied.
A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot. One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot.
The young family's 6 year old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers. She hung around and eventually the construction crew - gems in the rough, all of them - more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks,and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.
At the end of the first week they even presented her with a pay envelope containing a dollar. The little girl took this home to her mother who said all the appropriate words of admiration and suggested that they take the dollar pay she had received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.
When they got to the bank the teller was equally impressed with the story and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age.
The little girl proudly replied, "I've been working with a crew building a house all week". "My goodness gracious", said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week too"?
"I will if those useless morons at the lumber yard ever bring us the f****** bricks", replied the little girl.
A woman walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5000.
The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan, so the woman hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce, parked on the street, in front of the bank.
Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.
An employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the woman returns, repays the $5000. and the interest which is $15.41.
The loan officer says, "We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us , is why would you bother to borrow $5000?"
The woman replied, "Where else in New York, can I park my car for 2 weeks for $15.00?"
A young banker decided to get his first tailor made suit. So he went to the finest tailor in town and got measured for a suit. A week later he went in for his first fitting. He put on the suit and he looked stunning, he felt that in this suit he can do business. As he was preening himself in front of the mirror he reached down to put his hands in the pockets and to his surprise he noticed that there were no pockets. He mentioned this to the tailor who asked him, "Didn't you tell me you were a banker?" The young man answered, "Yes, I did." To this the tailor said, "Who ever heard of a banker with his hands in his own pockets?"
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